May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism.
Unknown
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Saturday, January 31, 2009
One year after first surgery
Hello,
The date of October 15 will now always hold significance to me because it is the date of my first surgery to fix my back. This October 15 (2008) marked one year since my surgery and I kept thinking about where I was a year before and how far I really had come. In the span of one year, I had two surgeries with the first one having minor complications that caused alot of pain and the second surgery finally fixing my back hopefully for good. Then there was also all the struggles that came with the two surgeries and recovery and frustrations etc. I couldn't help thinking that hopefully the next year would go better! I have to say I was proud of myself how much I had managed to get through and it was alot to get through. When you have this surgery, it is not just surgery that you have to get through-it is also the recovery process that follows which can be painstakingly slow and sometimes it seems as though there is no improvement and that can be discouraging. Plus it is also not being able to be independent and needing help with the basic things like being able to sit up for long periods of time and being able to drive myself where ever I wanted to go and lifting things that seemed so light before but impossibly heavy after the surgery. It was learning to ask for help when I needed it instead of doing it myself. It was learning patience which was something that I needed to learn badly. It was being stuck in bed for long periods of time after each surgery staring at the ceiling and trying to keep my sanity and not get bored. It was trying to find creative ways to pass the time while laying on my bed and trying not to dwell on all the stuff I could have been doing if I were not stuck in bed. It was yearning to be out and about around people when I was stuck at home by myself. I went through so many days that I felt so extremely alone and wished for someone/anyone to even phone me. I think the feeling of being so cut off from the world was the hardest thing emotionally to deal with. I don't mean to make anyone feel bad-I am just being very honest. I know people were busy and didn't have alot of free time and I accept that but I still felt the way I did. Also another struggle was trying to keep positive after learning things didn't go as planned and finding out I would need more surgery. Oh and wearing a brace was another thing to get through-it was not fun in the least! That hard plastic thing was hot and annoying and I was sooo glad to be rid of it when I finally could be! So many little things I got through and pushed through to get to the point I was at one year later and all I had been through really made me feel good about myself. I also felt that all that I had got through made me stronger and a better person in terms of learning patience which has been a work in progress for sure! Throughout the past few yrs I would think how my life was on hold and I was missing out but looking back as this point on this day, I think this actually was a part of my life that has made me hopefully a better person. I think this whole experience has enabled me to understand what it is like to go through some stuff and that it would better help me to relate with other people who are also struggling. Of course I would have rather not gone through this if I could have learned these things any other way! lol But I think the best way to understand something is to experience it firsthand. I just hope I can help someone even just a little.
The date of October 15 will now always hold significance to me because it is the date of my first surgery to fix my back. This October 15 (2008) marked one year since my surgery and I kept thinking about where I was a year before and how far I really had come. In the span of one year, I had two surgeries with the first one having minor complications that caused alot of pain and the second surgery finally fixing my back hopefully for good. Then there was also all the struggles that came with the two surgeries and recovery and frustrations etc. I couldn't help thinking that hopefully the next year would go better! I have to say I was proud of myself how much I had managed to get through and it was alot to get through. When you have this surgery, it is not just surgery that you have to get through-it is also the recovery process that follows which can be painstakingly slow and sometimes it seems as though there is no improvement and that can be discouraging. Plus it is also not being able to be independent and needing help with the basic things like being able to sit up for long periods of time and being able to drive myself where ever I wanted to go and lifting things that seemed so light before but impossibly heavy after the surgery. It was learning to ask for help when I needed it instead of doing it myself. It was learning patience which was something that I needed to learn badly. It was being stuck in bed for long periods of time after each surgery staring at the ceiling and trying to keep my sanity and not get bored. It was trying to find creative ways to pass the time while laying on my bed and trying not to dwell on all the stuff I could have been doing if I were not stuck in bed. It was yearning to be out and about around people when I was stuck at home by myself. I went through so many days that I felt so extremely alone and wished for someone/anyone to even phone me. I think the feeling of being so cut off from the world was the hardest thing emotionally to deal with. I don't mean to make anyone feel bad-I am just being very honest. I know people were busy and didn't have alot of free time and I accept that but I still felt the way I did. Also another struggle was trying to keep positive after learning things didn't go as planned and finding out I would need more surgery. Oh and wearing a brace was another thing to get through-it was not fun in the least! That hard plastic thing was hot and annoying and I was sooo glad to be rid of it when I finally could be! So many little things I got through and pushed through to get to the point I was at one year later and all I had been through really made me feel good about myself. I also felt that all that I had got through made me stronger and a better person in terms of learning patience which has been a work in progress for sure! Throughout the past few yrs I would think how my life was on hold and I was missing out but looking back as this point on this day, I think this actually was a part of my life that has made me hopefully a better person. I think this whole experience has enabled me to understand what it is like to go through some stuff and that it would better help me to relate with other people who are also struggling. Of course I would have rather not gone through this if I could have learned these things any other way! lol But I think the best way to understand something is to experience it firsthand. I just hope I can help someone even just a little.
Fall 2008
Hello again,
The weather was pretty good for fall I think and there were some really nice days that I spent outside on my lounge chair/bed and either read or laid outside to take in the rest of the warmth before the cold weather started to arrive. But since fall is typically the time when I normally do alot of helping out with preparing stuff for winter (i.e-cleaning up the vegetable garden), I felt really bad some days because I couldn't help this year once again. Emotionally I really had some bad days. I wish I could say that I am one of those people who can just relax and enjoy the free time I have when I am unable to do anything else but I am not. I constantly felt bad that my parents were doing so much and I wasn't helping out despite the fact that I could do very little to help. I felt so guilty about being unable to help that I often tried to help anyways despite not being in the best shape to do much. I remember one weekend that the Tomatoes in the greenhouse finally froze and that my mom was so busy that she could not get to it so I went outside and decided to pull Tomato plants. This is not an easy task when your muscles are weak from not being used for a long period of time and you have a sore back! Also these Tomato plants grew to about 4 or 5 ft so they were not small plants. I discovered that the plants were not coming out of the pots very easily so I decided to just take the little clippers and snip the plants just above the dirt and then toss the dead plants. The roots would still be in the pots in the spring but I figured I would be in better shape then to deal with them at that point. lol Well to make a long story short, I did too much and for the next couple weeks had terrible pain in my shoulder and part of my back and had pain when I moved. But I took care of the tomato plants and accomplished something so I trying not to complain. lol Then on Thanksgiving my sister and husband usually come over and we all take care of the massive amount of leaves that have fallen on our acreage. But this year I could not help so I figured I could at least take the camera and take pictures of it all and stayed outside when I could. We have alot of leaves that fall because we have planted over 300 trees here and it is absolutely beautiful but makes for a big clean up in the fall. I may not have gotten to help but I did get to spend some time outside with everyone. I almost forgot that I was given the go ahead to start with physio which was another milestone that meant I was improving. The only downside is that physio and the excercises are not easy but I knew that if I didn't do the excercises I was only hurting my chances of improving further. One way I helped myself to keep going when I would get tired and sore was to look at a couple pictures of me on the last mountain hike I did and remind myself that I was working towards doing that again. In a way I set a goal for myself and it helped me big time when I have wanted to quit or skip my exercises. I will go hiking again and things will improve.
The weather was pretty good for fall I think and there were some really nice days that I spent outside on my lounge chair/bed and either read or laid outside to take in the rest of the warmth before the cold weather started to arrive. But since fall is typically the time when I normally do alot of helping out with preparing stuff for winter (i.e-cleaning up the vegetable garden), I felt really bad some days because I couldn't help this year once again. Emotionally I really had some bad days. I wish I could say that I am one of those people who can just relax and enjoy the free time I have when I am unable to do anything else but I am not. I constantly felt bad that my parents were doing so much and I wasn't helping out despite the fact that I could do very little to help. I felt so guilty about being unable to help that I often tried to help anyways despite not being in the best shape to do much. I remember one weekend that the Tomatoes in the greenhouse finally froze and that my mom was so busy that she could not get to it so I went outside and decided to pull Tomato plants. This is not an easy task when your muscles are weak from not being used for a long period of time and you have a sore back! Also these Tomato plants grew to about 4 or 5 ft so they were not small plants. I discovered that the plants were not coming out of the pots very easily so I decided to just take the little clippers and snip the plants just above the dirt and then toss the dead plants. The roots would still be in the pots in the spring but I figured I would be in better shape then to deal with them at that point. lol Well to make a long story short, I did too much and for the next couple weeks had terrible pain in my shoulder and part of my back and had pain when I moved. But I took care of the tomato plants and accomplished something so I trying not to complain. lol Then on Thanksgiving my sister and husband usually come over and we all take care of the massive amount of leaves that have fallen on our acreage. But this year I could not help so I figured I could at least take the camera and take pictures of it all and stayed outside when I could. We have alot of leaves that fall because we have planted over 300 trees here and it is absolutely beautiful but makes for a big clean up in the fall. I may not have gotten to help but I did get to spend some time outside with everyone. I almost forgot that I was given the go ahead to start with physio which was another milestone that meant I was improving. The only downside is that physio and the excercises are not easy but I knew that if I didn't do the excercises I was only hurting my chances of improving further. One way I helped myself to keep going when I would get tired and sore was to look at a couple pictures of me on the last mountain hike I did and remind myself that I was working towards doing that again. In a way I set a goal for myself and it helped me big time when I have wanted to quit or skip my exercises. I will go hiking again and things will improve.
Friday, January 30, 2009
First Follow Up after second surgery
No matter how dark the night, somehow the sun rises once again and all shadows are chased away. David Matthew
Hello again,
I saw this quote recently and thought it was the perfect way to start this blog entry. I feel it explains alot of what I have gone through emotionally and physically. Finally for the first time in a long time I felt that I was sort of seeing the sun peeking just over the horizon so to speak. Before this appointment, I was quite worried about what might happen after my experience with the previous surgery. I wasn't quite sure if it would be good or bad news and I was still in a fair bit of pain from the surgery to really know if there was any pain that shouldn't have been there. This appointment was on September 2,08 and it went like the first appointment after the first surgery should have gone. The xray was taken and my specialist looked at it and let me know that everything looked good and there were no problems. The one thing that was different this time around was that the steri strips still had not come off and were stuck to my skin like they had been applied with crazy glue. With the first surgery, the steri strips were already starting to peel off when I arrived home. But my specialist assured me that was fine and they would come off eventually. In the end (about a month later) my mom helped me peel them off when the skin under the steri strips was really starting to itch. Like I said at the beginning of this entry, things were starting to look up. I noticed almost right off after the surgery that I wasn't feeling the rod moving any more and the recovery process started that much sooner I think. This gave me hope that I could finally get through this whole thing and get my life back. At this point there was still a fair bit of recovery to get through but I could see that there was finally going to be an end to it and things would get better.
Hello again,
I saw this quote recently and thought it was the perfect way to start this blog entry. I feel it explains alot of what I have gone through emotionally and physically. Finally for the first time in a long time I felt that I was sort of seeing the sun peeking just over the horizon so to speak. Before this appointment, I was quite worried about what might happen after my experience with the previous surgery. I wasn't quite sure if it would be good or bad news and I was still in a fair bit of pain from the surgery to really know if there was any pain that shouldn't have been there. This appointment was on September 2,08 and it went like the first appointment after the first surgery should have gone. The xray was taken and my specialist looked at it and let me know that everything looked good and there were no problems. The one thing that was different this time around was that the steri strips still had not come off and were stuck to my skin like they had been applied with crazy glue. With the first surgery, the steri strips were already starting to peel off when I arrived home. But my specialist assured me that was fine and they would come off eventually. In the end (about a month later) my mom helped me peel them off when the skin under the steri strips was really starting to itch. Like I said at the beginning of this entry, things were starting to look up. I noticed almost right off after the surgery that I wasn't feeling the rod moving any more and the recovery process started that much sooner I think. This gave me hope that I could finally get through this whole thing and get my life back. At this point there was still a fair bit of recovery to get through but I could see that there was finally going to be an end to it and things would get better.
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