An Update

Hello again,
It has been awhile since I last checked in but here I am again. I want to admit that there are days that I still wish I did not have this disorder and that I did not have to go through the struggles and that I don't like my path in life. I am in one of those times right now where I just wish I could have a more normal life and be able to be free of Kyphosis and everything that has come with it. I wish I could have been able to keep working and that I could have managed to continue with college and have a career and my own place etc. I wish that some days it was not such a fight to get out of bed and face the day ahead. These days are seldom because a long time ago I realized I had two options to either stay in bed and give up or keep getting up and facing each day and living to the fullest possible and not letting this disorder take over my life and I chose to get up. It doesn't mean that some days it isn't so extremely hard to keep pushing myself that I feel ready to give up but those days are few and far between thankfully. Right now I think this is coming up because once again I have had another birthday and it reminds me of the circumstances that are mine and how much I wish they were different. I think about how much I did not want this but then I try to remember how no one wishes to have something like Kyphosis or cancer or parkinsons or MS and we all have to live with what we are given. But it is hard because I get these thoughts that it isn't fair but in life what is fair? Life is unfair most of the time. I don't mean that to be depressing but just the opposite. If we expect life to be fair, we will get depressed when it isn't but if we know life isn't fair then it isn't quite so unexpected when things go wrong and we don't get as depressed. It also helps me to cherish the moments when life seems fair because I know that it isn't something that comes often. If one feels entitled to fairness they may not appreciate when life is fair because they feel that it is deserved. But that is my opinion and I am not trying to offend anyone. But I have to admit that it can be hard to remember this when going through something that is challenging. It is a conscious effort for me at times to remind myself of this when going through struggles but it is possible. One last thought that sometimes helps me is that without the struggles and the lows, how would we recognize the highs and the good things in life and enjoy them if we had nothing to compare it to? Similarily if we never experienced pain how would we know how wonderful it feels to be free of that pain and the happiness that comes with feeling better?